What if they remade Nighthawks today?

Roy Edroso over at the Village Voice blog Runnin’Scared had some fun mocking up remakes of 1970s movies he would define as nightmarish resuscitations in reaction to Chris Rosen at the New York Observer writing an article about Hollywood’s fascination with 1970s movies (ala the New Pelham 1 2 3). I could not resist joining in so here is my expectation if they remade an early 1980’s movie Roosevelt Island residents are mostly familiar with:

"Nighthawks (2010)

Deke DaSilva (Kiefer Sutherland) is an aging vampire (ala Lost Boys) who turned good and is laying low as a cop newly assigned to the NYPD anti-terrorist unit with the goal of hunting down fugitive and much younger vampire / now terrorist Wulfgar (Robert Pattinson). DaSilva’s partner Maddy Fox (Jada Pinkett Smith) is attacked by Wulfgar as she patrols the F Train stop on Roosevelt Island.

The climatic hostage scenes on the Tram would be reshot aboard the newly designed tram cabins which are conducted by futuristic fembot Svedka tram operators who decide they want Wulfgar (Masterson) for their own pleasure at which point he releases the hostages bound for Hudson / Related sponsored Roosevelt Live 2010 performances with the goal of selling / leasing apartments in the still unoccupied buildings 405 and 415 Main Street. "

Model for New Roosevelt Island Tram Revealed

Roosevelt Island Operating Corporation President Stephen Shane will deny it but I was on a secret mission this past weekend. I was sent to Niagara Falls to view and commission the replacement for our beloved Tram.

I was sent to the Spanish Aero Car which is located above the Niagara River Tidal Whirlpool. The new design is much more open allowing free movement of air and will be accompanied by a new ticketing structure duplicating that of the fare structure at the Niagara Parks attraction.

The Aero Car's design has been used since 1916, link HERE for history. and according to one of the operators has never had an accident in all those years. RIOC was so impressed with this record that they have agreed to commission two cabins based on this design. The new tram will also slow down to match the 8 minute ride provided by Niagara Parks in each direction and while the $11 fare is for a round trip in Niagara, RIOC will charge the new fare for each passage across the East River.

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For additional pictures of the Spanis Aero Car you can visit FLICKR to see many tourist pics uploaded for public viewing. The above post is obviously a bit of satire on my part. All fun aside it was quite amusing during my vacation with my wife this past weekend to discover this attraction despite our disappointment that the ride did not allow us to disembark on the "American" terminus of the Aero Car's cable track. For those of you that have never visited the Falls my advice is to visit and see it from the Canadian side as it was truly an amazing site to see.

Stonehenge at Lighthouse Park

According to local lore thousands of years before the indigenous tribes named the island Minnnahanonck it is believed that a band of very small determined visitors (alien?) looked upon Roosevelt Island as a holy place and they erected equally small guardians to stand watch over their sacred site. It was at first thought that these stone monoliths were quarried here on the island but the stone appears to be of another world. [Satire.]

Currently these three foot tall sentinels now stand at Lighthouse Park looking like an extremely long row of chess pawns waiting to be summoned into action.

Trivia question (to which I have no idea of the answer): How many of these little guys are there?

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The above photo is by Wendy Olson and was found on Picasa.

MTA Turns Off Roosevelt Island Subway Escalators / Elevators to Improve Residents Health as Part of DOH Health Initiative

It appears what we thought was a conspiracy is actually a centralized effort by the MTA and the DOH (see the semi-unrelated NYT story linked) to improve the health and stamina of Roosevelt Island residents while promoting energy conservation.

So far, during the first day of the initiative, only 1000 residents had to be carried off the stairs and the non-electrified escalators complaining of exhaustion.

The DOH believes that number can be reduced by 100 / day with the MTA’s goal of in 100 days being able to disconnect the six working escalators permanently in addition to the 4 escalators “supposedly” under construction.

[This post is obviously a bit of satire but if the MTA and DOH do enact such a plan don't blame me.]

Riots in the Streets? Former World Leaders Renting at Westview?

Apparently Kofi Annan, former Island House resident, recommended Roosevelt Island to the former UK Prime Minister Tony Blair and we are rioting in the streets. Who knew? And I just thought some Northtowners were upset about the Red Bus schedule again.

In truth the story of Blair’s arrival and our discontent is based on an article online at The Spoof and was first published two days ago. No idea who the “reporter” is as the by-line only states Queen Mudder. I guess Blair’s borrowing some China from Buckingham before he left was not appreciated.

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Note: This post originally reported by mistake that Kofi Annan lived in Westview. Thank you to the anonymous commenter who corrected my error.